The 10 Things Every Filipino Must Do In America

I got inspired by a feature story from Philadelphia Magazine called “The 57 Things You Must Do In ______.” (There wasn’t really a blank in the article, it’s just that I forgot the place. Haha.) I decided to do my own list to I guess help me get reacquainted to life here in the US—I’ve been away from it for a while, after all. And for humor’s sake. (Well, I’m not exactly good at injecting humor at things.)

1. Get Supersized

Technically, the word “supersize” isn’t on the fastfood lexicon anymore, after the Morgan Spurlock movie “Supersize Me” got the attention of the fastfood-eating public and Washington lobbyists. However, even though Ronald McDonald and his gang stopped asking diners if they want to supersize their meals, the sizes of their french-fry container and soda cups remained huge. Look at the photograph below and guess what size the cup I’m holding is.

This is a medium milkshake, kids. I know. This is large in the Philippines.

Now, check this large-size drink cup from the movie house, expertly modeled by my younger brother. (Sorry, bro, gotta clip the image for your own privacy.)

The drink is $5, and you can refill it an unlimited number of times so long as you’re in the movie house. (Here in the US, movie houses are in separate buildings. They’re not inside malls like those in the Philippines.) Curiously, I unloaded a 2-liter bottle of soda when I got home just to measure exactly how much liquid the darn thing carries every time you ask it to be filled up. Guess what? It’s indeed 2 liters. Damn. Imagine, you just drank the equivalent of 1,000 calories if you finished a cup full of non-diet soda. (Even then, I still discourage you from drinking too much just because you’re getting the zero-calorie variety.)

By the way, the popcorn is also refillable. But if you’re like me, just looking at it already makes me feel full.

Update: Burger King’s big-ass fries and Coke now goes by the name “Kingsize.” Apropos, non?

2. Get brand-name clothing for pennies, convert the price to Philippine Pesos, and secretly brag about how much more expensive it would have been if you had bought it back home

This is what I love about the US: If you know where to look, you can get the best of fashions at prices that will make you think the sellers are practically giving it away. (And trust me, they don’t give you a hard time.) It’s actually easier to be a—dare I say it—budget fashionista (igh…hate the word “fashionista”) here than back home. I’ve done my fair share of shopping at department stores and outlets, and—ha!—I’ve been able to buy more brand-name clothing than if I would visit every store that SSI owned. Some notables (meaning, the best bargains that I’ve gotten so far):

A Kenneth Cole lined blazer for $20,

Paper jeans for $15,

and Converse shoes for $4.97.

True, it’s not fair comparing these to what’s on offer in the Philippines, as we’re talking about clearance merchandise here. But I offer a different perspective: Stuff on sale back home are either absolute crap, or could never retail as low as they do here.

3. Buy something—anything—from Old Navy, H&M, American Apparel, Abercrombie & Fitch, or American Eagle Outfitters.

These are the McFashions of the US, really; or if you prefer, these brands are to Americans as what Bench, Penshoppe, and Oxygen are to us. The appeal of McFashion to many vacationing Filipinos I guess is the fact that it’s virtually impossible to get your hands on them in the PI. (I doubt 90 percent of the supposed AE and Abercrombie & Fitch items sold in Greenhills are genuine.)

But here’s the kicker: Basics here are steep if you’re the converting type. To worth: A basic printed T from AE is $16.50 (about P660 at P40=$1), Bench offers the same stuff for about P300. Lesson learned: The moment you step foot in the United States of America, use your mental calculator sparingly when out shopping. Otherwise, you won’t buy anything.

(I have to mention this about American Apparel, though: They’re proudly sweat-shop free McFashion. Meaning, AA is the antithesis of some brands that outsource the production of their clothes where the cost of labor is next to nothing and the working conditions are debilitating.)

4. Fumble with communicating

We may be the third largest English-speaking nation in the world (or so the reports claim) with a booming call-center industry that houses hundreds of thousands of Pinoys with a fantastically perfectly-attuned twang, but this doesn’t translate to every Filipino being a fluid conversationalist in English. I mean, just look at me. Despite me coming from here, I still fumble. Man.

5. Sleep in pyjamas

Back home, it’s silly to wear jammies to sleep. Kahit naka-aircon. It’s still too hot and humid to cover up your legs. In here, you wear long cotton pants to sleep for 8 months each year. Otherwise, you’ll shiver your ass off.

(By the way, the US uses the Fahrenheit scale. The only time they use Celsius is when the thermometer hits 32 degrees F. They report it as zero-day to mean it’s zero degrees C.)

Part 2 coming soon!